This is a very transparent and painful article. For far too long this blog has been silent. It has mirrored my heart. I too have been silent for far too long. No more.
I can help counsel people of all walks of life because, you see, I have walked a bit in many shoes. Experienced so much and now will share why I can empathize with so many. It is worth bearing my heart and soul if it helps just one. That is my mission now. Help those who need to heal. Like me. It is a process. It is never done.
But.. we can help you make strides towards that healing. We all need help with something. its just a truth of life.
If you want to talk, need help, we’re here for you. Contact us by sending an email to make an appointment: email@example.com
I KNOW what its LIKE to:
- Be held against my will as a teen with lack of food, the ability to get clean and the ability to go to the bathroom in a dignified way for many weeks by someone who said they loved me.
- Be verbally, physically and sexually abused by someone who said they loved me.
- Be told I was a failure by someone who said they loved me.
- Be lied about by people who said they were my friends.
- Be left to fend for myself as a young child many times.
- Be bullied by an entire school with cruel jokes and gestures about my weight started by my supposed best friend. (I was not overweight then). I was healthy and athletic. . .
- Accept Jesus Christ as my LORD and Savior at 13 years old.
- Be told that my horse, the horse that I paid for with my birthday and paper-route money, purchased from an Amish farmer. The horse who was my sanity, my best friend, my solace, my happy place, was just sold because my step-father said so. I was not given the opportunity to pay his board. He was just gone.
- To run away from home.
- Lose most of all my worldly possessions except for the clothes on my back and a few items… TWICE.
- Be homeless.
- Live in a car in the dead of winter with pneumonia. (Yes, this is more homelessness than mentioned above).
- Fall approx. 25 feet when my rock climbing apparatus failed…stranded on a rock ledge with no phone, a little trail mix and little water for many hours until rescued by a passing helicopter.
- Be hungry to the point of exhaustion and illness.
- Be so low that suicide looks like the only option left.
- To care for elderly residents in a Nursing Home that no family ever came to see.
- To hold an elderly person in my arms and tell her it’s OK while they left this Earth.
- To care for my grandmother while she was gravely ill only to have to fly back to California and not be there for her when she died ten days later.
- To watch a good friend and then my mother take their last breaths on this Earth.
- To wait outside a convent for hours. Waiting to ask a sister questions about God. Heaven. Jesus. The Holy Spirit. Answers I needed when I was 8 years old. A ritual I would practice many times over until my teen years.
- Be bedridden for two years due to extreme illness.
- Be brought back to life on three separate occasions.
- Experience 10 near death accidents and 3 accidents where I had no pulse or breath for more than one minute.
- Rescue and re-train many horses who were abused, neglected or abandoned to give them second chances at life and see the dull, worried expressions transform into bright, trusting, happy ones. (I still do this when I have the opportunity to this day).
- Give birth two times and almost die each time.
- Be told to abort my baby growing inside me at 22 weeks because, doctors were sure that she would be horrifically deformed, have down syndrome or spinal bifida. (She is healthy and beautiful)
- Be erroneously diagnosed with HIV/AIDS while my husband was deployed overseas in support of the First Gulf War.
- Be a military wife.
- Pack up and move across the country away from everything and everyone familiar and precious to me.
- Give up my own goals and ambitions, put my life on hold to support my husband’s military career.
- Work as a professional rodeo wrangler and ride mustangs who were never touched by human hands until mine laid upon them.
- Ride bareback broncs and wrangle bulls.
- Ride for hours as boss and supervisor of over 100 head of horses while they peacefully graze in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada mountain range. Shooting off a round from my rifle into the air every 30 minutes to scare off any mountain lions or bears that may be stalking the herd.
- Experience the pain of miscarriage four times. (16 weeks, 12 weeks, 10 weeks, 10 weeks).
- Be separated from and not know where my husband was or what he was doing for many months because of his career field.
- Be told that my husband is suddenly being medically discharged from the Air Force, have 10 days to get affairs in order and leave the military life and home on base back to civilian life with little money, much debt, with nowhere of our own to stay with a 8 month old baby and yellow lab dog.
- Sell my jewelry to buy a few simple Christmas presents for my children.
- Be alone and afraid in a doctor’s office waiting for bad news after an MRI.
- Be kept from my young child due to lies and manipulations of my spouse by in-laws.
- Endure many hours of grueling ‘counseling’ because any and all relationship issues must be my fault.
- Be told I need to abort my baby at 20 years old. Sadly with no other options, I did.
- Have to quit college despite having a partial scholarship because of family issues.
- Run out of the church on someone I was supposed to marry. He was abusive. So I found some courage and fled last minute. Thank GOD.
- Be shot at while standing on the steps of a church we attended and helped with ministry in the Badlands of Philadelphia, PA. at point-blank range in front of your six year old daughter and the bullet missed. . .
- Have PTSD. (See above…)
- Save someone from being sexually assaulted by physically fending off her attacker then seeing her safely on a train to get home.
- Defend and save someone with intellectual disabilities from a gang of teens who wanted to beat him and take his police scanner portable radio.
- Have my marriage healed by GOD after much tears, pain and heartache.
- Be suddenly in the position of sole bread-winner for my family.
- Be lied about and distracted from my real job by “special imaginary projects” that were stressed to be a priority by a jealous boss afraid I was going to take her job so thus… before I knew what was happening, I was fired.
- Be jobless for over a year.
- Have .25 cents left with a family to support. Miraculously receiving a $4,300.00 check from the IRS in the mail the next day with the explanation that we had over paid taxes for the last few years and a random audit caught the mistake. The money lasted exactly to the day.. to the penny.. until I was hired for my next job and received my first paycheck.
- Be hired for a job against all odds. A job that was way above my head and required a Master’s Degree or Doctorate (I have neither). Worked hard to study, learn, catch up and succeeded in this position until I gave my notice to pursue other opportunities.
- Have a genius level I.Q.
- Be instrumental in developing products and technology that you probably use every. single.day.
- Analyse data for the Secret Service.
- Make a successful equine business out of nothing.
- Help provide for homeless folks in my community.
- Help fund-raise for socially just causes in my community.
- Hold a provisional patent for an invention.
- Have designs for six more inventions waiting to patent.
- Have two wonderful, successful and healthy children.
- Have a wonderful husband and happy marriage for 30 years (this June 2020).
- Look in the mirror and most days am happy with the person looking back.
So you see, I have kind of been through much in my life. I am here to help in whatever ways I am able. I’d love to hear from you!
X0X0 Barn Mom AKA Patti (Yeshuazgirl) <><
Romans 8:28 (KJV) And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.